so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we made out on top of his cat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
