She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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