Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
