I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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