Don't you send me to vm
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
