We're facebook friends in real life
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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