u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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