what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
