HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
