You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
