I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
