My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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