i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
