her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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