As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
