he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
