Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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