At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
false alarm. still invincible.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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