ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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