Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
