saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
