No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
