We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
