Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
