I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
