I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
