So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
