I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
