Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
