if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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