my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I looked at my own cervix.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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