this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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