he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In other news, I just burned my penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
