Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
birth control should be required to get into college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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