So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
