I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
