yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
