Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
