I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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