Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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