If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
