youre lurking in front of me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
