whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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