can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
