Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
