oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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