I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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