i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
