Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
