Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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