I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
