I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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