I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
