You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
