I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
