And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
