our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize