Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
