Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
