I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
