She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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