She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
