I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
