dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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