Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
