i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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