Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I touched a dick in church today
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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