at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
