I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize