..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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